As I sit here writing this I just had an epiphany of sorts or as Oprah might say, an a-ha moment. Making real life changes is freaking tough!
I’ve been working on slowing down, minimizing stress and doing more of what I love. Being the stubborn person I am, I didn’t even realize how stressed I was until health problems started creeping up on me. In its own way, my body was begging me to slow my roll (it’s a 90’s kids thing).
As funny as this may sound, I’ve been working hard on taking it easy. My life is completely chaotic akin to a circus. Most of which I can’t control but what I can control is the mother of all balancing acts. Perched on my daily high wire, I thank God there’s a net underneath me.
Know what the real test is? When you think you’re making progress and you have a couple of crappy days and before you know it you’re right back to your old ways without even realizing it. I’ve heard this is the universe’s test to see if you’re really learning anything at all.
This happened to me today. I’m going about my day dodging dancing elephants and water-squirting flowers, when I’m right back on the high wire completely ridden with anxiety and anger and about to reach for my detachment safety net. In the midst of all that, I somehow have a moment of stillness and quiet when it hits me: Fuck. I’m right back up to my old tricks. My bad.
Sometimes it takes teetering on the edge of a relapse to realize you’re not quite where you thought you were. I’ve always had a thing for Wonder Woman but I’m not her. Nor am I Suzy Homemaker or Brenda Bobble Head or Super Mom or Career Coleen. I’m just me.
The ebbs and flows of life are unnerving but that’s where real learning occurs. I simply can’t control 99% of what’s going on BUT I can control how I choose to deal with it. I just have to slow down long enough to take care of me for in reality, I am my own Ring Master.