Personal is a funny word. It’s symbolic of relationships, intimacy, individuality, views, space, priorities, and it’s also highly emotionally charged. Perhaps that’s why when someone hurts us or things don’t go our way, it’s so easy to take it personally. When we take something personally, we take it straight to the heart and/or to the gut where these emotions then filter through our thoughts, words, and actions. Some people will hold on to that hurt until the end of time, while others brush it off relatively quickly. In my personal opinion, it’s healthiest to be somewhere in the middle where you can admit your feelings, but are able to peacefully move on.
Here are four ways to stop taking things so personally:
1. What’s in your control?
Everyone has feelings, but not everyone deals with them the same way. All that means is that you’re human. The highs and the lows aren’t a reflection of you as an individual. It’s not personal; it’s just part of being human.
I do adamantly believe that your actions are your personal responsibility, but sometimes things just aren’t in your control. You can’t make someone else stay in your life when they don’t want to; you can’t control when it’s someone’s time to cross over to the spiritual world, and you can’t control what people say to you. You can, however, control your reaction, even if that means deciding to not take something personally.
Our minds are complex, and everyone goes through times of self-reflection and self-doubt. Some of us, however, sit with pain and anger because we feel that when things are going against us, it’s a personal attack. It’s not. Step back and look at the situation as objectively as possible. What would you tell someone else going through the exact same thing?
2. Whose reflection are you looking at?
How people treat you is a reflection of who they are, not who you are. Granted, if you’re being a jerk, that may elicit their response to you. However, a person’s perspective is a personal reflection meaning that if they don’t agree with you, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you or that they are attacking you. It’s simply a reflection of who they are based on how they experience the world.
Protect yourself by choosing your battles wisely and choosing to stand in your own power by being comfortable in your skin. It’s the whole I’m rubber and you’re glue scenario. Let it bounce right off. There’s no reason to go down the rabbit hole of someone else’s mess. No one is perfect. Not you, not me, nor anyone else. Chalk it up to being an imperfect human.
3. Be humble.
When you take something personally, there’s only one culprit to blame: your ego. It’s that piece of you that wants to be right, be liked, be smart, be the best, etc. So when something stands in the way of those validations, it can cause, anger, fear, pain, etc. For example, if someone says you’re wrong about something, give yourself the room to observe your reaction. Try approaching that situation with humility by seeing the other person as just another human being or another soul who is doing what they think is best, the same way that you are.
4. Choose mindful happiness.
Be grounded in the bliss of your own happiness. Perspective is everything. When you’re focused on being happy with who you are and what you’re doing, there’s a level of peace that gives you the ability to let everything else roll off of you.
Meditation helps tremendously with this. Regular meditation helps you slow down your mind and your reaction. It also opens up the expansion of your awareness so things look a little clearer. Moreover, it allows you to detach, which is important because when we take things personally, it’s because we’re somehow, someway personally attached to what’s going on.
Taking things personally can be like any other habit. It might take time to retrain your brain. Try to remain objective, open, and self-assured in your magnificence.