For the second night in a row, I’ve come home with a pounding headache. There could be any reason for this symptom from hormones to allergies. As I lie in my bed guilting myself about not going to the gym for the fifth day straight, I am simultaneously reviewing the day’s events, thinking about how I’m going to get everything done tomorrow and worrying that my step daughter’s fourth grade science project won’t get done by tomorrow’s deadline. It hits me. I’m pooped!
From running a business solo to planning my upcoming wedding to being a stepmom and planning November birthday festivities to training to volunteer as a Guardian ad Litem to gearing up for the holidays, I’m running out of steam and my body is clearly trying to tell me this. Still, I go back to thinking about the gym knowing I have my wedding dress fitting is in just a couple of months and I have Samurai leftovers for dinner. My body wins this round and I decide to take a shower. Now that I’ve decided to relax I start thinking about all the stuff I have to do at home.
Then it hits me: What I need to do is nothing. Even if I have to tie my hands behind my back, I need and deserve to take a break. Guilt free.
In September, I became a certified Reiki Master. I loved the classes because it was so wonderful for clearing my head. I’m having a hard time balancing my business and just life in general with staying on a clear spiritual path. I practice it every day but I am finding, that just like with the gym, I’m exhausted yet I can’t sit still. Even writing, which I love dearly feels like just another item on my to do list. Something else “I have” to get done.
So, instead of meditating and feeling like I have to do something for the sake of using my time wisely, I’m going to experiment doing nothing for a few precious hours.
When I was little, I used to sit in a rocking chair and watch the rain outside of my window. It was so peaceful. Considering it’s raining this evening, I think I’ll take a cue from my 3 year old self and just sit quietly listening to the rain.